laramie

Another supposedly long-term temp assignment, another dash-in-the-face conclusion to the job after only a week. What is this, some kind of curse?

I'm getting seriously paranoid. My agency contact says I got a glowing review, but the department is no longer allowed to hire temps. Maybe that's true.

I worry though. The job was not a good fit. The assignment devolved into mostly mind-numbing data mining and data entry and physically demanding packing & shipping. They had me looking up average ages by zip code on a reference that offered only median ages and I got frustrated trying to explain my problem with that. They had me hustling to get a big shipment out on time, but sent me on a wild goose chase scrounging for boxes - after I told them I'd already looked and used the best boxes I could find - wasting time, then hurrying me to get a shipment together that could have waited until the next day. Except it turned out I wasn't going to be there the next day.

All of this exertion getting me sweaty and overheated so that I took off my top shirt, revealing the stain on my translucent blouse, just prior to filling in at the front desk without a chance to wash up. (I worry that my stench offended a company big wig and that's the real reason they let me go.) They had me wrestling with packages over fifty pounds in weight, and me so desperate for work that I did it despite knowing the risk to my back and its history of injuries.

I worry because I wasn't happy with any of this and I'm afraid it showed, and that I was given a story and the real reason they let me go was I'm not physically fit enough for the demands they put on me. And I worry because I was frustrated, feeling smarter than and impatient with my supposed superiors and I'm afraid it showed and I'm afraid they didn't like me. And I'm angry. If they'd told me it was the last day I'd have brought my new stainless steel water bottle home with me (and my stash of cheese and crackers and licorice) and now I'll have to take hours of my own time to make a trip, after my contact retrieves my personal items for me, to take the bus to the agency offices to get them back.

And despite all this insecurity, I know the job was not a good fit and I'm better off having time to work on my own projects. I got to the library today and have advanced my story, caught up with the transcription, worked on the pre-edits assigned by the editor for 'Wonder Guy,' and had time for some music practice when I got home.

And I've paid rent for the month, even if my pleasant dreams of a steady income are dashed. Dreams of attending 4th Street and/or Convergence, of upgrading my Mac's operating system to support some updated software, of owning an I-pad, of rejoining the Hour Car, of saving up to afford my own space - maybe an office/studio, or a condo…