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laramie at 11:01am on 19/09/2006
laramie at 11:01am on 19/09/2006This morning's radio played a song with the refrain,
"Don't get on your knees to pray,
Until you've forgiven everyone."
It was a fun, danceable gospel number with lots of harmony, and struck home much better than some of the more pretentious religious music I come across.
It got me thinking, at least, about the need to let go of old resentments, and the reasons I might hang onto them. For me, they seem to be rooted in the natural urge to defend myself: I'm hurt, I become wary, and apt to view the people who've hurt me (whether in fact, or as I interpret things) with a more suspicious eye.
To let go of that I need to acknowledge the legitimacy of the underlying motive. Of course people want to defend themselves, of course we can become wary of the things that hurt us, and the people who hurt us. The challenge is in finding a perspective that lets us consider the need for protection without getting all snarled up in reactionary emotional scripts. If I can forgive myself for my defensiveness (and my many other limitations), I gain a better perspective from which to forgive others, and all the mental power that gets wasted in running over defensive argumentation and self-justification gets freed up for more productive pursuits.
"Don't get on your knees to pray,
Until you've forgiven everyone."
It was a fun, danceable gospel number with lots of harmony, and struck home much better than some of the more pretentious religious music I come across.
It got me thinking, at least, about the need to let go of old resentments, and the reasons I might hang onto them. For me, they seem to be rooted in the natural urge to defend myself: I'm hurt, I become wary, and apt to view the people who've hurt me (whether in fact, or as I interpret things) with a more suspicious eye.
To let go of that I need to acknowledge the legitimacy of the underlying motive. Of course people want to defend themselves, of course we can become wary of the things that hurt us, and the people who hurt us. The challenge is in finding a perspective that lets us consider the need for protection without getting all snarled up in reactionary emotional scripts. If I can forgive myself for my defensiveness (and my many other limitations), I gain a better perspective from which to forgive others, and all the mental power that gets wasted in running over defensive argumentation and self-justification gets freed up for more productive pursuits.