posted by [identity profile] maiac.livejournal.com at 01:03am on 14/11/2007
Page 1:

The heading is "... Fairies", but the individual description is labeled "Faery".

The description for the Faery of Noontide should end with a period, not a colon.

Two of the Faery titles include "the" and two don't. I'd say it isn't necessary for any of them.

In the description under Dreamroost, "Where do dreams come to roost?" may work better than "Where to the dreams come to roost?"

Are you sure the unicorn's baby is a colt? Or would "foal" be a better description? [Well, you did say "nitpick"!]

Unicorn Spirit: All my editorial training tells me not to split words between lines in this sort of document. But that's just me, and you probably can't fit all the words in without hyphenating. But if there is a way to fix it.... ("Spirit of a unicorn"?)

Faery Girl: I think "Faery girls can be whatever they want to be" should end with a period, not a colon.

Is it possible to make the layout of Greeting Cards / Postcards consistent? It looks like there may be room to put the number on the same line as the description for all of them, e.g.
Greeting Cards FEGC1057
Postcards FEPC1077

The bottom line for the last item being lower than for the other three made my inner editor twitch. Is there a description that would take fewer words? Would using just "Faeries" instead of "Faery girls" change what you meant? It might create enough room to reduce the description by a line.

...Let me know if that's the kind of nit-picking you wanted, and I'll continue.
 
posted by [identity profile] skylarker.livejournal.com at 01:17am on 14/11/2007
Yes; this is exactly the kind of feedback I was looking for. Thank you!
 
posted by [identity profile] maiac.livejournal.com at 01:23am on 14/11/2007
What is your deadline? My brain hit the wall just as I scrolled to page 2. I can look at the rest tomorrow if you don't need to be finished before then.
 
posted by [identity profile] skylarker.livejournal.com at 01:42am on 14/11/2007
Tomorrow should be fine, thanks. I just want to get this out Friday.

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